Random Underworld Ecosystem Part Two

The Next Level: Herbivore Equivalents

1. Land mollusks:  herds of great-horned slugs,  flocks of aero-snails with fuselage-like shells, gas jet propulsion
2. Mice, moles, voles: from tiny to giant, cute, non-aggressive, scamper at impossible speeds and reproduce like nobody's business
3. Huge, revolting, acid-vomiting flightless house flies
4. Ambulating land plecostomus
5. Dungeon goats with mutations like iron teeth, ten stomachs, rhino-like armor
6. Giant grazing lizards: uninterested in melee combat, skittish, easily provoked into lethal stampede
7. Lower dungeon apes: stalactite dwelling sub-monkeys, shrieking, bug-eyed prosimians
8. Grazing ooze: nearly motionless when feeding, careless adventurers could blunder right into one
9. Dungeon fairies: build massive spiked hives, process food source into honey-like product
10. Schools of shrimp-like crustaceans swarming about the walls, floors and ceilings, rudimentary collective intelligence
11. Toddling, morbidly obese flightless bats with shrunken vestigial wings and defensive chaos-stench
12. Elusive herds of black and gray camouflaged miniature zebras, will kick like hell with razor-edged hoofs if cornered, wicked mohawk manes indicate position in hierarchy

note: results indicated above must somehow be rationalized with the results of a roll on Random Underworld Ecosystem Part One: Base of the Food Chain . Use your DM powers!

Random Underworld Ecosystem Part One

Base of the Food Chain
d12
1. Nutritious but extremely mutagenic Chaos juice bubbling up from source deep below
2. Murdered and stashed body of lesser god slowly decaying
3. Giant fungus that mimics fruit, attracts surface herbivores, bestows Underworld survival adaptations
4. Swarms of land krill continuously produced by spontaneous generation in central font
5. Gigantic, semi-sentient and very tasty anaerobic bacterial colonies flourishing around volcanic vents
6. Radiation from ancient meteorite promotes growth of mobile slime colonies
7. Magically reanimated spectral plants sustain undead herbivores
8. Waste from dragon's lair on mountainside above, deposited daily by slaves
9. Black micro-sun in central cavern nourishes jungle of black and purple ferns
10. Sentient radiant gas cloud playing god
11. Reality breach/wormhole in cave wall allows frequently delicious alien bioforms to spew forth
12. Giant stockpile of super-nutritive chow awaiting arrival of space-borne army of conquest but breached and exploited by cave scavengers

Less Lethal Forms of the Undead

d12
1. Spectral informant: semi-detached observers of mortal activity, take perverse pleasure in revealing embarrassing/illegal/top secret tidbits to interested parties
2. The Famished Dead: epicurean spirits perpetually hankering for fine dining, known to show up and ruin fancy meals
3. Zombie, indifferent: stagger to and fro aimlessly, remain utterly clueless even if attacked
4. Quasi-lich: animate remains of once-powerful sorcerer, arcane energies depleted utterly in defeat of death, fascinating conversationalists
5. Vampire, tiny: strength of 20 pixies, able to turn into a mosquito or a wee little puff of vapor, command mice, shrews, insects
6. Robber ghouls: dungeon muggers with no interest whatever in the flesh of the living, in it strictly for the money
7. Idiot spirits: created when certifiable fools perish in an especially stupid way, cannot figure out how to get to the afterlife without assistance
8. Invisible voyeur: detectable only by magic, they just like to watch
9. Ghosts of extinct animal types from the Cambrian explosion: bitter about status as evolutionary culs-de-sac, harmlessly vent their eternal anguish while appearing weird and scary
10. Undead Poet's Society: gather bi-weekly for interminable readings at scenic Underworld locations, its a wonder how modestly talented wordsmiths improve given a few hundred extra years of practice 
11. Ghost fungus: grows unceasingly on spirits of the living, causing random alignment confusion in the infected
12. Angry Skulls: when skeletons are left on duty well past their sell-by date they eventually lose their limbs to wear and tear, becoming mere floating skulls with bits of spinal column attached, still performing their assigned tasks, attacking adventurers with impotent phantom limbs

Requested by Andrew May

Missing Ingredient for the Emergency Antidote

d12
1. Ectoplasmic residue from a friendly ghost
2. Essence of solar flare
3. Cornea of a gorgon
4. One dozen pixie brains, whole
5. Flop sweat from the brow of currently reigning monarch
6. Werewolf vomit
7. Infected tooth of a giant
8. Pineal gland of a soothsayer whose uncanny prescience disallows surprise attack of any kind
9. Vial of tears from an innocent prior to execution
10. Two Cockatrice egg whites, beaten to stiff peaks
11. Willingly donated venom from the scorpion queen's stinger
12. First bud of spring from the uppermost branch of the colossal oak which also happens to house two competing clans of sentient giant wasps

Requested by John Harris

Even More Planes of Existence

1. Sub-atomica: subspatial zone where Quarkmen lasso wild string and wrangle them into new formations, a reality farm from which it is rumored all other planes originated

2. Energy Plane: crackling with galaxy-sized sparks and lightning bolts, this zone hums with raw power devoid of purpose, a cosmic battery inhabited by incorporeal entities, dispassionate minds and cosmic observers, secure in the knowledge they could unleash unimaginable destructive forces if ever subject to extra-planar menace of any kind

3. Animist World: a quite lively place wherein every single object, creature, plant, etc., including anything brought by visitors, is a living spirit, you will hear moans and complaints from your boots, your large sack and ten foot pole have some opinions they've been meaning to share, and so forth

4. Forbidden Plane: this unknown zone must contain some incredible secret, because divine or otherwise supremely powerful beings, entities that agree on little or nothing else, abide by the strictest code of silence regarding this place, swiftly suppressing any information that may fall into mortal hands by any means necessary

5. Platonic Realm of Form and Essence: here the ideal beholder uses perfectly realized eyebeams to destroy essential adventurers

6. Neutral Zone: in this little known cosmos beings from various other realities arrange to meet and come to terms, no violence can exist here and implements of war and destructive powers simply wink out of existence upon entry

7. Seat of Inter-planar Government: a reality composed entirely of majestic classical marble fora, abandoned but for the mournful spirits of cosmic legislators past.

8. Theokosmos: an extremely isolated universe occupied almost entirely by attention-starved gods, demigods, and heroes, depopulated of minions, worshippers and underlings by an impartial demiurge

9. Entropic Plane: the realm of true chaos, seething, frothing, mindless, but forever spewing forth novelty, not a place to actually enter, but rather an inexhaustible resource to tap for its wild potency

10. Pharmocopia: world of the drug takers, they have a pill, tablet, IV drip, suppository, syringe, eyedropper, etc. for absolutely everything, an endlessly bleak urban landscape, everything, including raw materials for their unmatched chemical production facilities, must be secured via interplanar trade, some say Mighty Zues himself cannot face the day without a mood-stabilizing Pharmocopian smoothie

11. Gonzopia: this lozenge-shaped continent floating in the aether hosts incongruous and incompatible beings from every corner of the multiverse, look, there's Darth Vader having a conversation with Ronald McDonald and Thor!

12. Funhouse Mirror Universe: Mr. Spock has a beard, paladins spear puppies for amusement, vampires devote themselves to the betterment of their fellow beings, angels will burn you to a cinder with blazing eyebeams just for looking in their direction, great white sharks breech the waters only to vomit cotton candy, etc

There are No Hobbits in this World

Exceedingly optional replacements for the small, nimble, elusive and pipeweed-toking wee folk.
All entries below assumed to be 3 1/2 feet tall or less.

d12
1. Living totem: animated by shaman for mission fulfilled ages ago, free will granted, now seek thrills, can combine into towering uber-creature with fellow living totems at need
2. Australopithecus: limited intellectually but extremely quick/agile, tireless, shaky morale due to stronger than human instinct for self-preservation, attack bonus with specially crafted throwing-bones
3. Half-fairy: occur when human and fairy or pixie somehow get it on, vestigial wings allow for enhanced jumps, proof against falling, inherent magical abilities (light, charm, spells of bamboozlement) increase with experience
4. Pumpkinhead Jacks: when Oliver Twist-like street urchins fall in the line of duty they sometimes return as child-size quasi-dead beings with jack-o-lantern heads and huge chips on their shoulders
5. The Devil's grandchildren: flaming skulls for heads but otherwise halfling-like wee demons unleashed for a long-forgotten purpose, now roam the earth looking for trouble
6. Anthropomorphic wolverine (cigar chomping optional)
7. Enlightened giant rats w/eerily human-like hands (Brown Jenkin style)
8. Semi-anthropomorphic bats, incapable of flight due to wings re-evolved into usable hands, but may glide like flying squirrel with connecting skin flaps, all ears and nose, excellent with missile weapons due to echolocation
9. Pocket mummies: mysterious undead remnants of a time-lost race of hobbit-ish creatures, now hoard magics to someday revive glorious Shires of antiquity
10. Bug-heads: diminutive chaos beings under an ancient curse, halfling-shaped but with random insect heads (d6: 1 praying mantis, 2 dragonfly nymph, 3 warrior termite, 4 stag beetle, 5 horsefly, 6 moth), reproduce at alarming rate, always slipping off to lay clutch of new eggs
11. Ever-so-slightly anthropomorphic giant pill bugs: simulate bipedal locomotion with two pairs of rear legs, excellent natural armor, prefer dignified fighting w/rapier & stiletto, can roll like the dickens
12. Marmoset men: surprisingly vicious in unarmed combat, strong magical aptitude, like fancy hats and scarves

Requested by Dungeon Smash

Weird Dungeon Fog

d12
1. Depilatory fog: released by a deranged sorcerer for an unknown purpose, roams corridors searching for the hirsute
2. Fog of Sticky Accretion: lengthy exposure reveals adhesive build up on surfaces, swords stick in their scabbards, the friendly shoulder-pat becomes a drawn out affair
3. Fog bank that is actually a swarm of microscopic winged crustaceans, able to strip corpses in seconds
4. Hygroscopic fog: sucks the moisture from living beings for dessication damage, lethal to slugmen
5. Fog Bank of the Impromptu Dance: compels those within to gyrate rhythmically for 1d6 minutes, if engaged in combat: dance fight!
6. Luxuriant Vapors of Cleanliness: often located in basins, tubs and sealed chambers, soothes, calms and renders impeccably spic and span
7. Black fog: a roving patch of total darkness (as spell, but can be dispersed by wind/other disturbances)
8. Swirling Banks of Obfuscation: arcane fog generally invoked to add another layer of security to hidden treasures and secrets, also employed to further conceal pits and other deathtraps
9. Vernal Mist of Enlightenment: dungeon secrets enter the brains of those exposed via osmosis
10. Fog of Amnesia: renders those within its influence utterly clueless until they escape, wizards lose random spells
11. Fog of Eros: arouses otherwise latent passions, especially efficacious on the most repressed personalities
12. Hot volcanic fog: looks normal, burns like hell

Note: Just knocking the rust of the ol' blog today, warming up recently disused d12 muscles. Next up: I begin working through requests.

Secret Party House of the Hill Giant Playboy

The hideous slugbear, a terror featured in Secret Party House of the Hill Giant Playboy

Stand by to download your copy of Secret Party House of the Hill Giant Playboy, your belated holiday gift from the management here at the Dungeon Dozen. It's a 20 (digest-size) page PDF adventure statted for Swords & Wizardry but of course compatable with any old school-type fantasy RPG. Please check it out!
CLICK HERE:
Party House of the Hill Giant Playboy PDF
New link to slightly edited version: art added, deleted, typos corrected, sentence fragments left well enough alone

Huge thanks to everyone who made suggestions for future d12 tables. The request line remains open so if you've got something you'd like to see tackled Dungeon Dozen style, don't hesitate to comment. Regular bloggery will resume shortly....

Blog-o-versary and other announcements

From Secret Party House of the Hill Giant Playboy, coming soon.

The Dungeon Dozen turned one year old this month. It's been a fun year and I'd like to express my gratitude to everyone who's taken the time to read, comment and/or help me promote this blog. To celebrate I'm taking a short break to recharge the ol' batteries and attend to some other pressing and not-so-pressing matters, including a short adventure I hope to post here on or around the 25th as a holiday gift to readers.
Also, THE REQUEST LINES ARE OPEN! If you have any ideas/wants/needs for a d12 table please suggest away in the comments and I'll do what I can to deliver once I get back on the stick.
Thanks again, everyone!

The Dragon: Entirely Reasonable Demands

d12
1. Must be honored with the celebration of elaborate festivals
2. To be depicted upon all regional coinage
3. New song to be composed (and performed) in honor fortnightly
4. Constant stream of tasty virgins
5. Staff of skilled attendants shall be provided for primping/preening
6. Full security force dispatched for (100% guaranteed) hoard protection during hunting trips and other sojourns
7. Monumental architecture/colossal statuary to be erected in image following demolition of offensive depictions of local heroes/deities
8. Crafting of enormous bedazzled crown, set with every conceivable gemstone in grotesque, ostentatious abundance
9. Human sacrifices to be made weekly to draconic deity
10. Nearby dungeon treasuries to be raided, contents delivered (intelligence provided)
11. Knighthood abolished
12. Destruction, subsequent ban of all anti-draconic weaponry

Note: see also The Dragon: Terroristic Threats

Featured on the Wilderness Map

d12
1. Colossal Spruce: towering evergreen, cult of druids worship gigantic pine cone growing several hundred feet up as nascent deity
2. Iron Mountain: massive meteorite, possible trigger of ancient apocalypse, sole source of heavy metals, riddled with mines, source of perpetual conflict between powers
3. Slag Lands: ever shifting islands on sea of lava, populated by warring sub-species of cinder-men, league of sorcerers maintains network of hovering laboratories
4. Ruins of the Formerly Levitating City: crash landed on Pleistocene Island
5. Homoncumulus clouds: zone covered by continuously renewing imp-shaped formations said to be the ghost-forms of dead devils
6. Megastorm Valley: vast swath of wind-ravaged ruin, path of constant Red Spot of Jupiter-type perma-storm
7. Artificial Ocean: greatest achievement of extinct merman civilization
8. Quakelands: zone beset by continuous seismic tumult, landscape reduced to jumble of friction-polished boulders
9. Pockmarked Plain: riddled by unpredictable colossal sinkholes leading to fiery center of the earth
10. Glass Dunes: site of ancient partial corporeal manifestation of the sun god, mandatory pilgrimage undertaken by sun-worshippers
11. Castle of Salt: cursed by easily offended gods, structure and everything within (including population, livestock) transmuted into statues of sodium
12. Great Barrier Wall

Weird Waters

d12
1. Lake of Infinite Depth: nexus point with water world in distant galaxy
2. Phlegmatic River: emerges from great cavern, flows to vast sinkhole, renders any who touch its waters indifferent
3. Levitating Sea: hovers at consistent 1000 feet, predatory giant jellyfish troll the land for prey
4. Spring of Infertility: waters much sought after by those conspiring to end bloodlines
5. Stagnant River: broad and deep, it just sits there growing ever stinkier
6. Straight of Standing Waves: ever-tempting as a shortcut, unbelievably treacherous, several maps available indicating meandering paths of relative survivability
7. The Silent Cataract: boat-rending rapids hiding around a bend like a booby-trap
8. The Devil's Stewpot: hot spring-fed pools teeming with unpleasant proto-life
9. Fen of Euphoria: waters impart perpetual state of dopey bliss, intestinal parasites
10. Reservoir of the Gods: fills vast caldera of extinct, Everest-size volcano
11. Carnivorous Marsh: teeming w/visible bacteria, act collectively to lunge at passersby
12. Pond of Chaos: home to the world's tiniest kraken and other wee horrors

The Dragon: Terroristic Threats

d12
1. Will hunt down and burn the families, friends and acquaintances of any who dare enter lair
2. Will release toxic bile into the water table, perverting it for all time
3. Will topple every tower in the kingdom starting with the tallest
4. Will enter a state of preternatural fecundity, spreading it's vile progeny like a plague upon the land
5. After establishing air supremacy, will burn only most favored crops
6. Will unceasingly bombard royal palaces with its foulest excrement
7. Will take a single virgin each night starting with the most ravishing
8. Will assume the form of a man, rise to the throne, resume dragon form, and set forth to establish empire of open evil
9. Will intercept each and every shipment of wine entering the realm
10. Will intimidate the various regional forces of evil into fealty and embark upon unprecedented campaign of terror and wanton destruction
11. Will self-detonate it's massive inner stores of fire, exploding with the force of a smaller atomic bomb, taking the adventures and everything in the dungeon with it in a final act of defiance
12. Will escape with its hoard to squander ancient treasures on games of chance and other trivial amusements

Recently Swallowed by the Mile-long Serpent

d12
1. The only cleric capable of restoring the monarch to mental and physical health
2. Several heads of state thought to be at secret meeting
3. Wagon full of wine barrels desperately needed for local festival
4. Demigod's arms and armor worn by (deceased) impostor
5. Total population of migratory herd beasts including the prophesied sacred calf
6. Band of heroes hidden inside a giant wooden mouse
7. Caravan transporting sacred relic for holy day festivities in capitol city
8. Stone sarcophagus containing mummy of ancient king that will plague the living with 1000 curses should the seal be broken
9. Crash-landed flying saucer containing envoys from advanced civilization w/dire warning re: imminent arrival of blind idiot space gods
10. Entire tower of an infamous sorcerer rumored to have made revolutionary breakthroughs in arcane arts and sciences
11. The royal librarian and a great swath of the royal collection including several invaluable/irreplaceable volumes
12. Pirate vessel and ship's compliment, just made port following extremely profitable reign of terror

Under the Evil Wizard's Hat

d12
1. Extra brains in tapering elongated skull cone
2. Small sack strapped to head containing emergency ransom in gems
3. Is that a turban? No, it's a hive of highly aggressive stun bees
4. Another face that laughs hideously when revealed
5. Waving tendrils fully capable of spell casting functions when hands indisposed
6. 2d12 bats
7. Self-destruct mechanism
8. Shiny shaved pate inscribed with tattoo containing elaborate funerary instructions
9. Imp familiar meditating in lotus position
10. Coiled spitting cobra, inert until hat lifted
11. Huge third eye that projects ray of insanity and sees into other dimensions
12. Awesome hairdo

Wandering Panhandlers

d12
1. Emaciated ogre, master of an unknown mystical discipline, levitates in lotus position over carpet with a few copper coins on it
2. Evil bard busker plays dirty song parodies lampooning surface world mores for spare change collected in ridiculous many-plumed hat
3. Abandoned dungeon pets (evil hounds w/spiked collars, sabre tooth monkeys in charming outfits, two-headed cats etc.), their moist, imploring eyes burn holes through the hearts of sympathetic characters
4. Ousted dungeon boss and surviving cronies wander miserably, pleading for aid and arms with which to exact revenge upon the new hierarchy
5. Humanoid victims of a weird dungeon plague look to any and all for assistance, even if it is only the release of oblivion
6. Surviving clergy from a sacked dungeon temple, their raiment torn, stripped of valuable icons, faces streaked with bitter tears, shamefully question their god's omnipotence while self-flagellating, ask only for hard tack
7. Clinically depressed leprechaun, naked but for once-glorious pantaloons, tells sad tale of ruination and would gladly accept anything that might add sparkle to his otherwise empty pot
8. Master thief and assassin who lost both hands in botched attempt at disabling green slime trap will hide in shadows for food
9. Fledgling adventurer, the sole survivor of a doomed expedition, is about to die of thirst
10. Impecunious man apes unable to obtain employment lie around in a stinky heap surrounded by empty bottles calling out to passersby for aid in keeping their bender going
11. Vampire initiate of ascetic cult asks for only a few drops of blood to sustain itself while closing in on full enlightenment
12. Vagabond kobolds camp in the middle of the corridor so you can't avoid their incessant pleas

In the Saloon

d12
1. Depraved cretins w/strong sense of entitlement (2d4)
2. Tavern sage holds down corner of bar: answers simple questions for a drink, buy a round for the house for more complex inquiries
3. Surly drunks embittered by years of being surly (2d4)
4. Some guy who's really loud and thinks he's hilarious
5. Raucous gaggle of pickpockets emboldened by drink
6. Black lotus addicts waiting around for their connection to show, rather edgy
7. The guy who has strident opinions on anything he happens to overhear, not a particularly deep thinker
8. Pack of ruthless, armed-to-the-teeth dwarfs celebrating successful delve
9. Inebriated laborers fomenting uprising, much speechifying and little regard for alternate opinions
10. Tattoo artist plying trade in well-lit corner: save vs. infectious diseases, heavily inked sycophants openly question the machismo of the un-inked
12. Off-duty assassins amusing themselves by subtly pitting various patrons against one another then sitting back to enjoy the ensuing mayhem

When You're Starving in the Dungeon

d12
1. Rumor has it amber dungeon mold is edible, delicious even
2. Moderately edible dungeon lichens, once washed, chopped, pulverized, sieved, fried
3. Leather armor (used), soaked in wine for a long time
4. Gathering an accumulation of semi-fresh dead bats will do for a while
5. Herds of extremely alert tiny deer are rumored to roam the deeps, some kind of blind and great patience required
6. Goblin cheese, a euphemism for some unmentionable aspect of their biology, edible but only just, reeks with an unparalleled potency, pretty good spread on black bread with lots of onion and mustard seed
7. Giant beetle grubs can be found underneath loose flagstones
8. Rats work, but often carry weird parasites, sometimes benevolent
9. Bocanite, a semi digestible element in many dungeon walls, visible only to some dwarfs
10. Notable delvers claim giant centipede legs are a delicacy fit for a king's banquet hall
11. The excrement of elusive dungeon ungulates (basically just processed moss and lichens) provides a good bit of fiber
12. Sometimes it comes down to whether you hired that extra torchbearer

Living MacGuffins Missing in the Dungeon

d12
1. Narcotics dealer hoping to corner market makes bold move to meet the subterranean source, addicts, particularly those of high station, frantic
2. Zealot priest of God of the Rosy Outlook and rather large re-consecration crew of lay members, indispensible VIPs among them, heading down to facilitate salvation of the denizens with much pomp
3. The whole village woke up one morning in a trance, disappeared into the depths of the earth
4. Faction of cultists in midst of bitter theological schism set fire to their temple in town and vanished below with their sacred treasures
5. Children of the noblesse, dressed in improvised dungeoneering get ups, carried away with make believe
6. The cat that ate the rat that ate the Queen's soul, last seen scampering toward dungeon entrance
7. Animate disembodied head of wizard containing unknown spells spirited off into the darkness by cavern apes
8. Royal architect w/full knowledge of secret castle defences disappeared into dungeon in the company of rabble of thieves and cutthroats
9. Child prophesied to be of the utmost future importance kidnapped by genteel demon with excellent penmanship
10. Dangerous, seditious holy man of newly popular mystery cult said to be baptizing converts in underground river
11. Betrothed of local monarch gone to join harem of amorous and exceedingly charismatic lich
12. Genius brewer, innovator of many new beers and ales, linchpin of local economy, abducted by deep dwarfs for compulsory servitude in their corporate beverage production industry

Sealed in the Antediluvian Vault

d12
1. Sets of fine clothing and other adornments that could only be worn by something shaped like a diplodocus
2. Crystalline Chestplate Unremovable: once donned insinuates itself into the host's tissues, tampering with systems to grant unlimited lifespan
3. Mantle of the Frog Priest: wearer instantly recognized by frogs and toads as supreme overlord, to be fawned over and obeyed to the very limits of their ability to comprehend
4. Fossilized mummy of unbelievably ancient monarch, psyche remains intact and eager for human contact, not at all unbalanced by zillions of years of entombment
5. Enchanted Stone Axe of Bisection: cleaves victim in twain on a critical hit, humans must use two-handed
6. Obsidian flask with arcane stopper: contains sample of primordial soup from the dawn of life, each droplet loaded with bio-materials capable of setting off new Cambrian-type explosion
7. Array of unknown musical instruments built for inhuman hands, each capable of producing different psychiatric effect when sounded
8. Preserved brains of antediluvian celebrities
9. Arrangement of stone stelae each inscribed with a primitive spell (Hold Smilodon, Create Jerky, Magic Bludgeon, Charm Mammoth, Survive Winter etc.)
10. Dessicated corpse of scientist/would-be treasure hunter from the far future, gamma gun still holds one charge, broken time-travel belt
11. Amulet of the Void: allows wearer to survive long sojourns though the cold vacuum of space (works equally well in crushing oceanic depths)
12. Shimmering translucent field holding dinosaur wizard in stasis